Reinvention: NESCBWI16

This past weekend was NESCBWI's 2016 conference. A lot of wonderful things happened there, including getting to meet writers I've only ever connected with over the web, and getting to reunite with old critique partners who have moved out of state (and other writerly friends who I rarely get to see in real life!). However, what struck me most was the theme:

Reinvention.

I am in the process of personal reinvention. Last year I got a new job and my first ever book deal. I have been going through a rapid change in my life, and I can tell a new person is growing out of it. A super cool person. *puts on sunglasses*

However, it is important to note that metamorphosis isn't easy. From the outside perspective, the caterpillar goes into the chrysalis and comes out as a butterfly. In reality, it's much messier.

Science time.

Just give me a minute, guys.

When the caterpillar enters its chrysalis (which it first has to build itself, for the record), its enzymes begin to literally digest its tissues. After that, several sets of cells begin to multiply, much like what happens to an embryo, and new body parts grow. This forms the butterfly that we all know and love.

These special cells that grow into butterfly parts are actually there all along, but they can't begin to change and grow until that caterpillar turns its own body into sloppy goo. Let that sink in. Apply it to your life. Cringe a little at the imagery. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Anyway, to top it off, when the butterfly does emerge, it's in no condition to fly away. I was just in my museum's butterfly garden a few days ago, and got to witness a butterfly break free of its chrysalis. That thing was exhausted. It was still all wet, its wings were all crumpled, and it very obviously took all of its energy just to move to one side of its chrysalis where it could rest.

I stared at it, shaking my head and thinking: Dude. I identify so hard right now. 

Reinvention is powerful, but it has a price. The end result is worth it, but getting there can be a struggle.

I took a walk today around my local pond. All the spring imagery was really hammering home the reinvention theme all over the place, but one image in particular stood out to me:

This family of ducks. It's a dreary day of drizzle and 50 degree weather, with no sun in sight. When I approached these ducklings, they were scattered all over. Upon seeing me, Mom and Dad began regrouping them in a tired flurry. They have their work cut out for them, keeping track of all eight. I could tell they had already had a "day". One of the ducklings was a good dozen feet away when I walked up, and I could hear the exasperation in Mom's quacking.

New life is beautiful. New transformations are beautiful. But gosh darnit, those things take a lot of work. Too often, we only see or think about the happy results. Cute ducklings, following their mother in a neat line. A butterfly soaring to its next flower. Debut novels on shelves, new presentations wowing audiences...

Ahem.

Reinvention. It's great, important, sometimes even necessary...but it is a BEAST to accomplish.

My advice, and the advice echoed by tons of speakers this weekend?

Do it anyway.

6 Steps to Creating a New Novel

I've just wrapped up revisions on one manuscript, and I'm ready to start work on something new.

I have 9 completed drafts of different middle grade novels on my hard drive, most written in the past 5 years, so I'm no stranger to diving into new ideas. With that in mind, I thought it would be cool to share a little bit about my writing process! With help from my muse, Galileo, of course.


Step 1: Picking an idea.

Okay, which archived plot idea to choose...?

Whoa, how far back does this go?

I never have a shortage of stories running around my head. The trouble is choosing one. An approach that has worked for me is not to pick something that I'm personally psyched for, but to find something I think my readers would be psyched for (which in turn, will get me psyched up to write it).

I'm lucky in that I work with my target audience, so I have an endless supply of "What if ______???" questions thrown at me daily. The ones that come up on repeat and sound like they'd be in my wheelhouse are the ones I file away as story ideas.

I also get ideas from imagining what 11 year-old me would've been super interested in. What were the themes and common threads I was stuck on as a kid?

Finally, I like to challenge myself. If an idea sounds simple to write about, it's not good enough. I have to be petrified of the thing. The more scared I am, the cooler the final outcome will likely be. Something big. Something complex. Something outside my comfort zone. Something that will force me to do intense research. Something that will make me want to cry over how many intersecting plot threads there are. Once I've found something suitably terrifying, then I know I've probably struck upon the right story.

For my new manuscript, this was difficult. None of my squirreled away story ideas fit the bill. Each was cool...but not cool enough.

So I took two of them and combined them into one--one that kids never fail to ask me about during my science lessons. Now I am appropriately shaking in my boots at the idea of merging two ideas successfully into one plotline. Now I'm challenged to answer an EPIC SCIENCE QUESTION. And now, fingers crossed, that will hopefully translate into an awesome final manuscript down the line.


Step 2: Getting started.

Time to set sail! To where, you ask? Uh...

I never have problems coming up with my inciting incident. I almost always have trouble coming up with the chapters that follow my inciting incident.

My new manuscript is following that trend nicely. I kickstarted it with everything I knew had to go into the first major plot point. Now I'm floundering trying to sort out where things go next.

And that's okay. I've learned that this is all part of my process.

It's this part where I start to find my characters, rather than find the plot. I spend time with them, writing scenario after scenario (all in chronological order, because I can't skip) and learning who they are. Once I know who they are, I get a better sense of what I can throw at them to mess with them, and plot starts to reveal itself. So for a short duration of time (anywhere between 15-80 pages of writing), I am a pantser. Those who know me might be surprised by this, but it's true.


Step 3: Stopping.

Oh god. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

Once I've messed around for a few dozen pages, I stop. I'm a plotter at heart, so I simply can't carry on without setting out a specific, thorough outline.

All writing comes to a halt. I go back to the drawing board, usually feeling overwhelmed and like I'm pretty much the worst author on the planet. But this is part of my process, too, and I've come to accept it.

Here's where things get fun. Now it's time to plan out the entire novel, in detail, from start to finish. Every author has different ways of doing this, but mine is to create outlines for each character (major and minor), using this timeline:

The "Before Book" section is critical. I've actually spent a full week trying to figure out why I don't have a sense of my new main character yet, and just realized this morning as I sat down to type up this blog post that I haven't come up with any of her "Before Book" life.

No wonder I don't know her! She isn't born on page 1 of my manuscript--I need to know where she's coming from in order to plan out where she'll be going! It's a rookie mistake, but I was so focused on trying to merge two story ideas into one, I neglected to think through her backstory. Now that I'm aware of this, I feel instantaneously better. I will find her backstory, and then I will find her character arc.

Again, though, this outline is not just for the main character. All my characters have stories. So what I do after finishing the character outlines, is to overlap them all into an über outline. Then I can keep track of who knows what when, and where they all intersect.


Step 4: Write a full draft.

Nooooo! Don't make me!

Going off the outlines, I now write an entire draft. This part takes me typically between 4-10 months, depending on what else is going on in my life.

Not much to say here other than...this part is a lot of slog-work. Not my favorite part. But it has to get done.


Step 5: Finding the heart.

Okay, it's gotta be in here somewhere.

Once a draft is done, it's time to dive into revisions! This is my favorite part.

One my main goals in starting a second draft is to find the heart of the story, and bring that forward. Part of this is figuring out how each character grows and changes, so I make a list of my characters and make myself answer these four questions about each of them:

• Who are they at the beginning of the book?
• Who are they by the end (and why have they changed or not changed)?
• What lesson(s) have they learned?
• What special skill do they have/action do they take that changes the course of the novel?

Through the process, I usually strike upon what the shared theme is--the heart.

*IMPORTANT: Through the years, I've also learned that what I think is the heart of my novel at this point in the process is not set in stone. In fact, with my last novel, it wasn't until I was done with my entire third draft that I really realized what the heart was (which of course, meant another revision--yay!).


Step 6: Rewrites and beyond.

We're going to need more snacks.

 Once I have a solid second draft, I give it to my critique group for a full review of the manuscript (they've seen it in smaller sections for months in advance--their input begins way back on day 1 of this process!). With their notes, I begin to tackle rewrites. It usually takes me 4-5 drafts to get the manuscript to the point where I wouldn't be ashamed to show it to industry professionals.

So in conclusion, it's often anywhere from 1-3 years between choosing an idea and having an acceptable draft. And now that I'm moving into actual publication, I can add to that timeline how long it will take to go through revisions with my agent and editor, plus copy edits and all the finalization work the publisher will do before the book hits shelves.

...

Basically, it takes a long time to make a book. Whew.

Why do I do it? As with many authors, the answer isn't just because I want to...but rather that I have to. It's a compulsion. If I'm not actively working on a writing project, my subconscious suffers for it. I'm antsy. Stressed. Disoriented.

Even though I'm wary of my new project (who are these characters? they aren't MY characters! can I trust them? I miss my old characters...), I will feel better once I've properly sunk my teeth into it. I live in fiction, and I'm not ashamed of that.

So here we go. New project, ahoy!

We Have Lift Off! (My Journey to my Debut Book Deal)

Writing is a lot like a mission to outer space.

You have this idea--this amazing idea!--but it's never going to launch if you don't put in the work to make it happen. So you buckle down. You design, plan, craft, and redesign all over again. You think you almost have it--but then one part fails, and you're back to the drawing board.

NASA's InSight Mars lander getting prepped for 2016.

You think about giving up. But for some reason...you just can't. So you grit your teeth and keep going.

And then finally, after years of sweat and tears, you have a completed project, ready for lift off! Yes! You did it! It's beautiful!

But having a spacecraft ready to go isn't enough on its own. You can't just launch on the day you finish building. You need to wait until the object you're aiming for is in position. Sometimes that means waiting for months, sometimes years. And when the right day finally comes...when you're so nervous you could burst...when you keep asking yourself, will this work, or will it explode? ...well, if there's bad weather, no matter how ready you are and how badly you just want to see what happens, the mission is put on hold.

Sorry. No fault of yours. That's just the way things go.

"Be patient," people will say. "Maybe today wasn't your day, but your mission is a great one, and some day it will lift off!"

But on the next try, there's a storm. The next one, a piece of launch equipment catches and you have to abort. The next, someone sneezed at the button, and you missed your window.

No matter how amazing your spacecraft is, no matter how hard you've worked, you're at the mercy of forces external to you. And no matter how hard you try to internalize that, it always feels like it's somehow a reflection on you and the mission you designed.

Maybe your mission was never meant to launch.

Maybe you should call it a day. Call it a learning experience. Move on.

And then...just when you're about to pack it in...it happens.

The perfect day.

MAVEN lifting off!

Your mission...it's GO. You have lift off!

---

I'm thrilled to say that after years of hard work--not just from myself, but from my critique partners and my agent, too--my debut novel, DESTINED FOR MARS, has lifted off.

AHHH!!!!!!!!!

It's heading out into the amazing world of Harper Children's, for publication in Summer 2017. It's on its way! Landing at bookstores near you in just a couple quick years! And I am still in complete and utter shock.

DESTINED FOR MARS (possibly getting renamed, by the way), is a story about 13-year-old Miranda, a robotics whiz who is chosen to represent the United States in a decade-long Mars training mission. Right from the start things begin to go terribly wrong, however, and soon it's clear that Miranda is fighting not only for her future—but for her life, and that of many other people's as well.

This book was first conceived of in 2012. At that time, I was querying agents with a manuscript that I'd first drafted in 2009, and writing a shiny new manuscript that my crit group loved (DW, for those in the know). I thought they were going to murder me when I told them I was setting aside my Work-In-Progress in order to write this space book that I'd literally just invented in my head days earlier. But I couldn't help myself. This story had to get out of my head and into a Word document.

I eventually fell so much in love with it that I not only set aside DW, but also shelved the manuscript I had been querying. I realized if I was to debut as an author, I wanted my debut to be my brand new space idea. Besides, I'd gotten two years' worth of rejections from agents on my first polished manuscript, and had to swallow my pride and concede that story just wasn't going to get me anywhere. My hopes now were with a young engineer named Miranda, and her trusty robot, Ruby.

Doodled Ruby at Saturday dinner, NESCBWI '13.

In fall of 2013, DESTINED FOR MARS was in its third draft, and ready to show off. I dove back into querying. I got a partial request right off the bat. Then another agent asked for a full. The response was so drastically different than my previous querying experience, that I scarcely believed any of it was happening.

By December, I had three separate agent offers. And before Christmas, I'd signed with Joan. She just got what MARS was about. It was a perfect match.

For those of you doing the mental math, however, you may have noticed that I signed with Joan over a year and a half ago. So despite the (honestly, intimidating!) immediate onslaught of agent interest in MARS, I can't say that's how my experience on submission with editors went.

Once Joan and I revised and went on sub for the first time, I braced myself for the inevitable rejections. I was used to them, thanks to my earlier attempts at querying agents. Rejections are always rough, but as it turned out, the editor rejections didn't hurt me as much as they confused me. They were often contradictory to one another. I had trouble figuring out what to do with them.

Eventually, Joan and I pulled MARS off submission for a while and did a revision, based on what few common threads we could pick out from the rejections. Among the changes, I deleted a character and added in a new one, hoping things would ring more true. But when we went back out the door with it, the rejections just confused me even more, because on the whole, editors liked it. I had an inbox filling up with lovely notes, but no offers. WHAT DID THEY WANT?

Joan insisted that it was just a matter of time. That we'd find the perfect home for Miranda and Ruby. That maybe one of the editors who hadn't gotten to it yet would be the right match.

I, however, had moved on. Just like with querying, I'd accepted that my first foray into the Bigger Publishing World just wasn't going to go anywhere, and it was time to try something else. I threw myself into a different project (DW, the WIP from 2012 that my crit group had loved so much). I figured my first manuscript taught me how to be a professional writer, MARS was the manuscript that got me an agent, and that my newest manuscript would be what finally landed me a book deal.

And I was so close to having the new manuscript submission-ready. Potentially just weeks away!

Then I came down with pneumonia.

On July 9th, 2015, I sat in the ER, fever spiking towards 104, wondering what in the world had hit me. I spent the next 7 days with fevers over 103, coughing so hard I eventually fractured a rib.

I was less than a month out from turning 30. I claimed 30 was no big deal, but I'd always had the secret ambition to have a book deal by 30. Having lost hope of that, I'd at least hoped to have my newest manuscript submission-ready by 30.

But it seemed it wasn't meant to be. I couldn't get out of bed, much less type. It took two weeks to recover enough to shuffle down my hall, crack open my laptop, and look at my manuscript with whatever energy I could muster. I was at the lowest of lows. My body had failed me, and my goals were just out of my reach, taunting me.

...However, I don't think it was lost on the Writing Gods that the first thing I tried to do with myself after pneumonia was work on writing. Because less than a week later, I had a two-book offer from Erica Sussman at Harper Collins. 

---

Joan called me from Barcelona on July 25th. She was on vacation, not using her cell phone, and I'd missed her original calls because I didn't recognize the number. We finally connected around 5pm, she told me the news, and given the amount of medications I was hopped up on, at first I honestly did not believe it was happening.

All I said for the first couple minutes was a steady string of, "OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD." I was so jittery, so excited, I ended up in a giant coughing fit but could NOT STOP GRINNING. 

I. HAD. A. BOOK. DEAL. AHHHH!!!!!

I called my parents. Told a couple critique partners. And then couldn't say a word to anyone else until things were made public. It was simultaneously the best news of my entire life, and the hardest secret I've ever had to keep.

My b-day dinner with author friends, Lauren, Tara, and Annie!

Once Joan returned to the States, she emailed me the offer details. A couple days later, we officially accepted the offer. And a week later, on my 30th birthday (and Curiosity's 3 year anniversary on Mars!), the deal became public knowledge, and I was finally allowed to tell everyone. 

Best. Birthday. Ever.

I've only now calmed down enough to write up this story for my blog. I hope it gives hope to anyone who's struggling in their own writing journey. Sometimes obstacles are there for a reason. Sometimes, as cliché as it sounds, it really is darkest before the dawn. And most of the time, being successful in this business just requires a ridiculous amount of patience and resilience.

Stick to it. It will happen if you don't give up.

---

I'm so utterly grateful to everyone who has helped make this dream a reality. My family and friends for their constant encouragement. All members of my crit group, past and present, for building me into the writer I am today. My teachers who saw a science nerd's passion for creative writing, and encouraged me to write more. SCBWI, for the amazing community and services they provide. My agent, Joan Paquette, for being the True Champion of this manuscript. And to my editor, Erica Sussman, who I am so excited to start working with. (Seriously, Erica, you have no idea!)


Thank you all.

And buckle up, everyone! Because this ride has just begun!

Moving Past What's Expected

I haven't blogged in a while. I was wrapped up in a major novel revision throughout January and the first half of February, and I thought when I came out the other side of it I would be thrilled to get back to blogging.

But I wasn't. I also found I couldn't figure out what creative writing project to focus on next. Beyond this still, I've been wrestling with bigger "what am I really doing with my life?" questions. It's been an introspective few weeks, to say the least. Probably brought on by how much time I spent trapped indoors and alone due to the hundred inches of snow Boston got this winter.

I've been in a confused, upset place trying to figure out where to go next. I'd open up my blog, and feel like I couldn't post anything because I couldn't find a science story I really wanted to talk about. I'd open up a new word document, but find I couldn't start a project because I couldn't decide which project would make the most sense to focus on next. I'd go to work, and fret about personal finances and whether or not I'd be able to secure a future and support a family with the career path I am currently on.

Nothing in my life was working. And just in these past couple of days, I've started to understand why.

I was focusing on what was expected of me. What others expected of me, and what I expected of myself. I've fallen into this trap before.

But today I put on my Let It Go bracelet my friend Marie gave me, and really started to take that song to heart once again. (I'm sorry for those of you sick of Frozen, but Elsa is my soul sister.)

Anyway, I realized that first of all, this is MY blog. I can post about whatever I want. Or not post at all. This space isn't meant to be stressful, it's meant to be fun, and if I'm letting it stress me out, then I've got to take one big step back.

Same goes for my writing. I love writing. But I've been panicking lately about writing the right thing next, and this is making me run in tinier and tinier circles in my head and I'm sure I'm on my way to imploding. So rather than try to come up with the perfect story, I've decided to let myself write whatever moves me. Right now, that's a trilogy I've been poking at for years. The first book is drafted, the second two outlined, and it speaks to my heart. I don't need to try and logically pick apart how marketable it is, because if I love it I will write it well. That's most of the marketing battle right there.

And heck. If I start working on it and decide it's not for me after all, I can move onto something else. That is okay.

As far as my job goes...well...I love my job. I'm really awesome at it. I like where I work, I enjoy what I do, and I feel fulfilled by it. I can't control everything in life, so I will just have to trust in fate a little bit more that I will eventually figure out a way to financially support a family by myself. I don't have a significant other, and I don't want that to hold me back from being a mother some day, so this is pretty much a constant concern. It's scary trying to plan for this alone! But I can't let that fear take control of my life.

That's really the take-away point for me. Not letting fear control me. (Elsa. Soul sister. See?)

I set up these strict deadlines and goals and convince myself that the world expects certain things from me. I don't want to fail the world. I don't to fail myself. But all these expectations do is trap me in a box of anxiety. I have to be free to do things that feel good, that feel right--even if my life isn't lining up as perfectly as I'd hoped at the moment. I'll figure it out. There's no way I can see the whole picture from this one place and time. Who knows what opportunities are on the horizon? All I know is that I work very hard, and I've set myself up in the perfect position to grab opportunity if it should ever finally grace me.

So as far as my blog goes...for my own sanity, there isn't going to be a blog schedule. I'll post when I want to, I'll write about what I want to (let's be honest, that will continue to be either science or kidlit, because those are my worlds), and I'll enjoy this space again.

I need to stop thinking in terms of expectations, and start listening to my gut. I need to pursue what makes me happy.

And I need to reread this post probably every day going forward to remind myself of that.

New Novel Update #2: First Draft COMPLETE

A couple of weeks ago, I finally finished the first draft of my work in progress, "DW". Cue party noises and bad dancing:

Yeah, that's right. I am AWESOME.

 

YEAH! FIRST DRAFT!

 YEAH! YEAH! --Okay, I'll stop.

 Ahem. Anyway.

I'd started drafting DW in 2012, then tried again in 2013, but didn't have a clear sense of where it was going until I did a pile of plotting work this past January. So the bulk of what ended up in the first completed draft happened in 2014, even though the idea has been in my head for far longer.

As it (always) turns out, I have a much better sense of my characters now that the story is on the page. So I've begun Draft 2, tearing things apart line by line. I'm fixing major plot holes and rewriting dialogue for basically everyone in the beginning. I'm combining scenes, switching segments around, hacking out extraneous blabbering, etc. All the typical things you do in the second go-around.

For once, I'm actually not overwhelmed at the revisions that need to be done re: the plot (seriously, my revisions usually involve MASSIVE plot overhauls). This time, in a bizarre twist, I'm feeling pressure because of what this story became thematically. It has a heart to it that I desperately don't want to screw up.

If you'd told me a year ago that my main concern about DW would be the theme and the character growth, I would've laughed in your face. The complex plot was all I could think about in 2014, and now that the bulk of that is sorted out, I have fallen in love with my characters and can only think about doing them justice in future drafts. Funny how that happens.

And now, for a pretty lame attempt at cleverness: DW is a complex beast, and Draft 1 is just the bare bones of this story. The skeleton, essentially. I hope Draft 2 will bring it to life.

(...Maybe someday, when this story is published, people will read the end of this old blog post and smile. Or maybe they'll just wonder how I managed to get published with lines like those.)

I hated being a girl.

This might be my most personal blog post ever, but I want to talk about why I've made the choice to have girls as the protagonists of my novels.

Growing up, I loved adventure stories. I was obsessed with Star Wars, could recite Jurassic Park front to back, plowed through every fantasy book series I could get my hands on, and daydreamed about the day I'd get to go on my own epic quest. I listened to John Williams soundtracks on repeat, and when Harry Potter hit, I dived into that with wild abandon.

The stories that meant the most to me all had male leads. Girls had varying degrees of prominence, but were almost always there to supply a romantic interest for one of the main male characters. None of them were ever the focus of the adventure. They were never the "chosen one". Never the central character who everyone rallied around. They just weren't. 

As I was internalizing the female role of being a sidenote to the male, I was barreling through my teenage years, being told I needed to start wearing makeup and sexier clothes because getting a boy's attention was of top priority. My nerdy side was not attractive, and as I was reminded over and over, I needed to hide what I was really interested in if I ever wanted a date.

But I didn't want a date, I wanted an adventure! The combination of societal pressures and the fictional worlds I practically lived in told me that I was supposed to want romance. Duh, I was female, that's our entire focus, right? But this just confused the hell out of me. I couldn't bring myself to care about any of the things I was meant to care about, and no amount of faking it could hide the real me.

On top of not caring that much about boys, I hated shopping, I hated smelly fragrances, I hated dresses, and I hated gossip. And I decided girls who DID like these things were the problem. Because of them, I had the entire world telling me I was supposed to be someone I just wasn't.

I put girls in a box. All of them. "Girl" became a label that meant something flighty, stupid, and shallow. I was furious when someone would try to label me as one. It got to the point in college that I refused to call myself a girl. Flat out refused. Being a girl was the most insulting thing I could think of to be. It disgusted me. Girls were the root of all of my problems. I wished they didn't exist.

I literally wanted to erase my sex from the planet.

When I began to seriously consider what this meant for me, I realized that while I claimed to wish I'd been born a boy, I wasn't interested in actually being a boy. I didn't feel like I was male deep down. This isn't a story about a trans discovery. What I was deep down was female, it felt female, it just wasn't what I'd internalized "female" to mean. I was better than "female".

And when I hit upon that realization, I felt sicker than ever.

What's wrong with being female? What? Why did it have such a negative connotation to me? Why was so I nauseated by my own sex?

It's still a work in progress, but from that moment on, I've begun to reclaim that identity. I am female. I'm a girl. I'm a woman. And I'm a pretty awesome person. Those shouldn't be exclusive!

No, girls never got to be the action heroes (unless they knew five martial arts, slept with a million guys and broke all their hearts, and wore skin-tight black catsuits--none of which remotely described me). Girls were scarcely in adventure stories at all, except for the token few there to provide a romantic side story. But WHY NOT?

I grew up learning that unless it was a romance story, main characters were boys. What did that say about me--the main character of my OWN life? As someone who wasn't that interested in romance, I identified with the action heroes who were always male. And this fed into my twisted view of girls, and caused a lot of self-loathing through my teens and early twenties.

That's not okay.

ANYONE should be able to see themselves of the hero of the story, without having to change a basic aspect of their identity. When I started writing seriously, I focused on the fictional girls who drove this point home. Hermione. Polgara. Mara Jade. But even they were only there as side characters.

So I made the choice to make my main characters girls. Sometimes people tell me that my writing is more of a classic "boy adventure" mold, and I should consider that in my protagonist choice.

...Trust me. I have.

That's pretty much the entire point.

Nowadays, we are getting more True Adventures starring girls, which is great. But we've got a long, long way to go. We've barely made a dent in the male-dominated hero world. Until things are 50/50, it's not good enough.

If I can save any other young girl from the deep self-hatred I felt, I feel like I owe it to her. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that being a girl is just as cool as being a boy, but I can't.

This is why my protagonists are girls. And this is why I'm not backing down from that.

Spring Catch-Up: NESCBWI 2014

My fourth NESCBWI conference was a little bittersweet. But we'll get to that later. First, the fun things!

1. I got to meet my amazing agent in person! Joan was very patient with me as I totally confused her in our first conversation...then phone call...then second conversation. But I think I finally made sense by lunch the next day.


2. I had two spectacular marketing sessions with Mitali Perkins and Lynda Mullaly Hunt. Instead of panicked, I'm now feeling pumped to start that whole process!


3. Katherine Quimby Johnson had a truly remarkable session about character and gender, and I wish everyone in the universe could've attended.


4. I learned how to make a non-fiction book proposal with Loree Griffin Burns, and this has sparked an amazing idea in my secret writing brain vaults...


5. The keynotes, as usual, left me ultra-inspired. How does that always happen? Not that I'm complaining!


6. And last but not least, I got to hang out with my awesome critique group all weekend. These people are seriously the best.

But this brings me to the bittersweet: two members of my crit group are leaving.

The conference was our last hurrah as a group. Since then, Lisa has already packed up and gone to Texas, and Julia will be heading out to St. Louis later this summer. I'm going to miss them terribly. They're two of my dearest friends and just plain old amazing people.

BUT. We've made tentative plans for a reunion at NESCBWI 2015, so cross your fingers! The t-shirted gang might be back to take the conference by storm yet again!

Love you guys.

Spring Catch-Up: THE CHANCE YOU WON'T RETURN

Hey there, Blog. It's been a while.

I was stuck in a revision cave for the better part of spring, but I'm out now and playing catch-up with all the stuff I missed! So get ready for a series of posts covering all the things that I'd wanted to blog about, but didn't get a chance to do until now.

Let's start with the most exciting one...

ANNIE'S LAUNCH PARTY!

That's right! My good friend and critique partner had her YA debut in April!

THE CHANCE YOU WON'T RETURN by Annie Cardi is a contemporary YA novel that's gotten absolutely glowing reviews (including multiple starred reviews!).

It tells the story of Alex--a girl who should really just be worrying about failing driver's ed and figuring out the guy she may or may not be flirting with (who may or may not be falling for her), but instead has to deal with a frustrating family secret. Out of nowhere, Alex's mom has decided she's actually Amelia Earhart, and that Alex is no longer her daughter, but a young female protégé of the 1930's.

Intrigued? Then you might be like one of the completely PACKED launch party-goers from last April. Probably good you weren't at Porter Square Books in Cambridge that night, though, because they sold out! Good news is you can find copies at many different places now, likely including your local bookstore!

When asked how she's able to write a teen voice so realistically, Annie admits that's just what the inside of her head sounds like...and that she was surprised to learn that's not what the inside of everyone's head sounds like.

Annie is the best. She's basically one of the coolest people you could ever know. Her writing is witty, heartfelt, so very real, and brings you right into the experiences of her characters. Annie's an author you'll want to keep tabs on, because she's definitely going places. And if you aren't following her on Twitter, then I don't know what you're doing with your life.

So proud!!!

Getting Inspired at the Kennedy Space Center

Last week, I got to visit the Kennedy Space Center at Cape Canaveral for the first time. It was amazing, inspiring, and the perfect day trip to take while visiting my parents in Florida.

For those not in the know, the novel that landed me my agent is a realistic space adventure that takes place in the not-too-distant future. The KSC was the perfect place to go to gain a better understanding of what a real space center layout might be like, what rockets and shuttles look like up-close, and what kind of equipment astronauts really use while up in space. I took loads of pictures, some of which you'll see in this blog post, but the majority of which you will not. (Trust me, you don't want to see them all. There are a lot.)

Obviously I've done loads of research on my own before this trip, but there's something about seeing an actual space shuttle in person that no amount of youtube videos or NASA photos can prepare you for. It's just awe-inspiring. I teared up when I first saw Atlantis. The entire time I walked around it, I think my mouth continuously gaped--not just at its size, but at what it represented. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever had the luck to be near.

A lot of authors go on research trips to better understand their character's worlds. Unfortunately, when a good chunk of your novel takes place off-planet, that's kind of impossible for me. That's why this trip was so incredibly valuable. From shuttle airlocks to astronaut tool kits, I now have reference points for so much! It's unbelievably awesome, and it's going to flesh out my novel that much more.

On top of that just seeing cool stuff, I got to ride the "Launch Experience" simulator, which takes you through what it's really like to blast off. It's not just a gimmick, either. It teaches its riders first about each stage of the launch, and what things will feel like at every point along the way prior to actually participating in the simulation. Perfect! I made mental notes of every tilt, shake, and ear-crushing roar I experienced. I can't wait to incorporate them.

In addition, I got to sit in replicas of shuttle cockpits, mime out the movements of a real spacewalk, and went on a behind-the-scenes tour to see the entire base. The scale of operations was mindblowing, and has given me so much fodder for the layout of my novel's primary setting.

Atlas V rocket, waiting to launch another day.

The only thing I didn't get to see was a rocket launch. One had been scheduled for the day we were visiting, but had to be delayed due to technical difficulties. We did get to see the rocket at the launch platform, though.

Regardless of the lack of launch, this research trip was oodles of fun and so, so informative. I spent the entire 3 hour plane ride back home scribbling notes and ideas of what to tweak in my novel to improve the realism, up the stakes, and make the journey my characters take even more exciting than what it already is.

If you've been bouncing around the idea of doing some in-person research for your novel, I can't recommend it enough. And if you've ever thought about visiting the Kennedy Space Center just for fun, do it! My dad and I had a wonderful day together and learned so much. Can't wait to visit again someday in the future!

Dad and I in front of the absolutely massive VAB (Vehicle Assembly Building). My novel needs one of these.

Ode to the Gastrolith

I'm falling behind on my novel writing goals, so instead of a Weekly Science Roundup, you get this!

"Ode to the Gastrolith" is a piece I did back in college for the one and only creative writing class I ever took. My instructor was an...interesting fellow. To put it nicely, he had a lot of quirks and weird rules for writing that I didn't entirely agree with. So by the end of the semester, I just submitted things that I knew would mess with him.

I wrote this based on the biggest gastrolith I'd ever found.

The prompt was to write a short poetic reflection on an object that most people would overlook. As the class's only science nerd, I decided to write about something appropriately nerdy...something my instructor wouldn't know what to do with...GASTROLITHS.

Gastroliths are rocks that dinos swallowed, likely to help mush and digest their food since they didn't really do a lot of chewing. Modern day dinosaurs do this, too. Gastroliths fit my instructor's prompt perfectly. They're often overlooked, since they really do just look like rocks (because they are).

Anyway, I got a lot of question marks on this from my instructor, so mission accomplished. Up until a couple of days ago, I had forgotten all about this, until I stumbled upon it when I was looking for a different file from my college years. When I reread it, I knew I had to put it on my blog.

This is from college and was written to taunt my instructor, so it's obviously pretty terrible. But I have no shame and I'm posting it anyway.

Ode to the Gastrolith 

Like a lumpy chicken egg, you sit in the dirt.
You are no egg, though. Inorganic and inedible, you’ve seen more than any hatchling could ever dream of seeing.

Forced underground by the planet’s sinking crust, incinerating heat and pressure from the world on top of you strained your minerals to a swirl. You only resurfaced after getting scraped upwards for millions of years, when you then broke off from your formation and were carried long distances by rushing water, freezing glaciers, and the ever present force of gravity.

And then a pause.

But not forever.

Your rest, interrupted. A Sauropod swallowed you. Down the long neck, the long gullet, smashed alongside others from across the world, shredding soggy dead plants, attacked by bile all before being shoved through the winding pathways of the intestines; it could have been years before you were ejected from this massive body.

Post defecation, polished smooth, you waited by yourself, as contrasting jagged rocks broke apart into shattered piles around your resting place. Alone and different, you waited until now, unaffected and patient.

This is your story of survival. Survival on your own.
Alone,
colored green and purple by metamorphosis, rounded and beautified by dark biotic chambers and churning acid, you were sentenced to weather the past 80 million years at the mercy of a drying environment.

Find solace in your lifelessness, Gastrolith,
and in the aged wisdom
of your dense ignorance.

New Novel Update #1: It's Complicated.

This is why I'm not an illustrator.

Let's call this one "DW" for now.

It's been a busy month of cracking down on my Work In Progress. While there haven't been a ton of pages added to the total manuscript length, I've sorted through many of the over-arching issues that have been holding me back, and for that, I'm pretty dang proud.

DW has the most pieces involved of anything I've ever attempted to write before. It's layered with mysteries, and keeping straight who knows what when has seriously stressed me out. So I decided enough was enough, and a couple weeks back I went to town on several in-depth outlines. I did one for every major character/character group. The story is told in first person, but there's a lot going on under the surface to keep track of, so I have to know who's doing what (even if my main character doesn't).

On top of outlining the entire novel over ten different times in different ways, I did character maps, 3 Act breakdowns, and a ton of scribblings on "surprises" and "key scenes". And in the past week, this has finally allowed me to get back into writing this story. 

Phew.

For those curious, it's another Middle Grade speculative-fiction-esque adventure, like all my stories tend to be. But this one is by far the most challenging, complicated tale I've ever committed to telling.

I'm hoping that will translate it to being the best tale I've ever committed to telling, but I suppose we'll just have to wait and see about that.

For now, enjoy the current theme song for DW, and have fun speculating what in the world I could be writing about!

AGENT

Blogging has been slow the past couple of weeks, because some big stuff has been happening in my writing life. I'm not going to be coy and dance around this, so here goes...

I am thrilled to announce that I am now officially represented by Ammi-Joan Paquette of the Erin Murphy Literary Agency!

Relevant gif is relevant, for many, many reasons.

It's happened! I have a literary agent, and I couldn't be more excited about it. Joan is fabulous. I know she's going to do a fantastic job representing me and my manuscript in the big scary world of children's book publishing.

For those that don't know what exactly all this means, you can think of this as the first professional step on the road to becoming published. Nowadays, it is extremely difficult to be a published author if you don't have an agent (unless you self-publish). An agent is the link between authors and publishing houses. Now that I have one, I get to move onto the next phase of my career--submitting to publishers to see if anyone wants to take on my book!

I will likely do a longer post in the future detailing how I "got my agent", because that story really deserves its own post. What I will say now, is that I had three agents read my full manuscript, and got offers from all three of them.

It was simultaneously awesome and terrifying. As you might imagine, choosing amongst them was not easy. But in the end, I went with Joan, because I felt like she was the best fit for where I wanted to take my writing career. She's extremely easy to get along with, she has an incredible success rate in the business, and she is a sci-fi author herself. Plus, she connected with my book in such a positive way, that I knew she would strive to see it succeed. Joan was the full package, and I'm still flabbergasted that she saw enough of something in my writing to offer representation.

I feel so lucky and honored to be joining the EMLA family, and can't wait to get to know everyone associated with them. If anyone is reading this and wants to follow me on twitter, my twitter handle is "@paleopaws". I will follow you back! I'm cool like that, I swear.

So that's my big news! Heading into 2014, I'll be an agented writer, getting ready to tackle editor submissions. Thank you so much to everyone who's supported me during all of this. To my friends, family, and critique partners for believing in me and in this manuscript. You were right. Apparently it was an awesome story. Next step: make it even more awesome.

Okay, 2014. Publishing houses. Editors. Let's do this.

NaNoWriMo: The Best Thing Ever

In a slight deviation from my usual posts, I'm going to discuss something dear to my heart: NaNoWriMo.

For those who somehow have never heard this term before, NaNoWriMo stands for "National Novel Writing Month". The challenge: in one month (specifically, November), write 50,000 words of a new, original novel.

Now, the rules are often bent, and that's just fine. I think officially it's morphed a bit through the years and isn't as strict as it once was. But as a stickler for rules, I always followed them to the letter. I would plan, outline, and character sketch, but I wouldn't begin penning a word of my new story until November 1st hit. 

I have done NaNoWriMo for the past four years. I have won NaNoWriMo for the past four years (which means each year I hit 50K before November 30th). But I will not be doing NaNoWriMo this year.

Why am I making this decision? The answer is simple: I don't feel like NaNoWriMo can help me any more than it already has.

As an aspiring author, I started NaNo in 2009, hoping to get a full story down on the page so I could begin to seriously pursue my dream. I did that. It was such a successful and fulfilling way to write a novel, that I wrote a sequel to my NaNo novel in 60 days in Spring 2010. And I wrote the third in the series during NaNoWriMo 2010.

And then I paused. I had a lot of material. I had joined a writing group, and was getting into the nitty-gritty of revisions. I didn't really need more material.

So during 2011, I stopped writing and instead revised the heck out of my first NaNo novel. But the siren call of NaNoWriMo caught me by surprise that November, and I found myself writing a brand new story even though I had no real reason to do so. This time, it was completely unrelated to the trilogy of stories I'd already typed up. It was new, and fun, and different.

In fact, the "newness" of the story got me so excited, that I started another new story in Winter 2012... which I then abandoned in Spring 2012 when I found my real new story (aka, the one I've now polished to awesomeness and am currently agent-hunting with).

And even though I had found my Awesome Story earlier in 2012, I still couldn't resist NaNo and the allure of writing yet another new story. So in November 2012, I wrote sixth novel.

It was like an addiction. A wonderful one.

But it needs to stop. Six novels in four years is fabulous. But I don't need to turn that into seven by November 30th, 2013.

I'm working towards traditional publication, and NaNoWriMo is no longer useful in the way it once was. Back when I started, NaNoWriMo was exactly what I needed. A way to prove I could write an entire novel. A way to get over my finickiness and just get words down. A way to blow through a story from start to finish, and train my mind to think as a plotter in a pantser world.

NaNoWriMo taught me just how far I could push myself. (Record: 12K in one day.) NaNoWriMo taught me how to produce material under intense deadlines. NaNoWriMo became the model after which I did everything writing-related. It works for me.

...A terrifying deadline. A seemingly impossible goal. Go.

It's the perfect motivator for me. But I never would've known that if I hadn't taken up the challenge back in 2009, and I never would've known the satisfaction of creating an entire tale in a short stretch of time, either.

But now I know what I can do, and I've discovered that I can get just as much done when I establish my own personal deadlines as I do during November. So this year, I'm not doing NaNoWriMo. It won't give me what I need anymore. Right now, I need to shop my Awesome Story to agents. I also need to revise a NaNo from 2012. And I need to draft a particular novel that I've been promising my critique group I'd write for over a year now.

On that note, that's something else NaNo has taught me: not every book is right to draft in thirty days. Some work great. Others do not. The particular novel that I want to do next needs to be crafted into first draft-dom, and not vomited out like my others. It will be a new challenge, and it won't be possible to do in thirty days.

So, to sum up, NaNoWriMo is awesome and I encourage all aspiring writers to do it at least once. But as for me, I think I've reached the natural conclusion of my personal NaNo character-arc.

Some closing advice for anyone doing NaNo:

1. You can do it, even if you're doing other things with your life...to an extent. I worked full time each year I won. That said...

2. You will need to shut out most socialization. You need your evenings and weekends. You need those days off. Trust me. Just clear your calendar now.

3. Write during weird hours. Wake up earlier than normal. Or stay up later than normal. Get yourself something caffeinated, sit down at an odd time, and write. Because of the oddness, you won't immediately get yourself distracted with habitual Facebook checking, etc.

4. Prepare as much as you can beforehand, but don't be afraid to abandon your outline halfway through the month if you find your story going down a different road. Your characters will tell you where to go.

5. Do word sprints. If you're on Twitter, you can connect with others doing these. Or on the NaNo forums. 15 minutes can turn into 1000 words if you're racing someone else.

6. Don't worry if things aren't making sense. They won't. Your draft is going to S.U.C.K. and be riddled with plot holes. And that's fine, because no one will read that draft. You can revise it before showing anyone, if you ever chose to show people it at all.

7. When that unplanned character shows up at 25K? Let him in!

8. The first 10K are fun. The second 10K are difficult. The third 10K drag painfully, but keep pushing. The fourth 10K is where you'll start to feel like a writing robot. The fifth 10K...that's where it gets exhilarating.

9. Join the official NaNo site and enter your word count each day. It's so much fun to watch that little personal word graph climb! It's one of the only sources of satisfaction you will get for 30 days. Take it.

10. Never look back. If you stop to edit or revise, you lose precious time. Don't look back, don't delete. Just keep going. Revisions are what the other 11 months of the year are for.

Best of luck to anyone embarking on this adventure! And thank you, NaNoWriMo, for giving me the confidence to chase my dream.

Novel Update #5: Ready

Image Credit: NASA

It's always satisfying when I punch through and finish a draft. But I have to say, there's nothing quite like finishing the draft where I get to say, "I'd let an agent read this."

I've only ever gotten to say that once before. Today, I get to say it again.

I have an agent-ready draft. Is it perfect? No. Of course not. But it's ready.

I know it is, because the thought of an industry professional reading it in its current state doesn't send me into physical tremors of terror. Instead, I feel comfortable. Excited, even. I think agents and editors would enjoy this draft.

Hopefully one of them will enjoy it enough to represent it.

How did I get here? 15 months ago, I hadn't even conceived of this story. But the concept captured me so much last June, I couldn't rest until the story was told. And not just told, but properly told. I would get up early before work every day, stay up after dinner, sit indoors every weekend... I poured countless hours into this novel over the past year, revising draft after draft after draft. My writer's group says I'm a machine, but the truth is, I just don't know how to tackle a writing project any other way. I have to throw myself into it to the point it consumes my life.

The last thing I did for this novel was read it through from start to finish in one sitting, to make sure the pacing truly felt right. There isn't any magic formula for pacing (which I'm pretty sure would really irritate my main character). Pacing is a feeling. And with just a few small edits during that read-through today, I can now say that I'm satisfied with how it feels.

And so, here I am. I've got a polished draft of what I believe to be a pretty kickass futuristic sci-fi thriller, and now I need to find an agent for it.

I think I will. Maybe that sounds overly optimistic, but that's what the "finished draft" high does to me.

Querying, here I come.

Novel Update #4: So Close Now!

This picture is very relevant to this post, I promise.

This is it. I can feel it.

Based on the suggestions of my critique group after their full read-through, I've now finished several sweeping revisions to my current WIP. In addition, I've tightened up every single scene (and cut many others) so that I'm down over 16,000 words from my previous draft's final word count. That's right. I've hacked 16,000 words from this baby. While adding in new scenes.

That being said, it's not done yet. I'm in the midst of polishing draft 3.6 (yes, my drafts get decimal designations). I'd like to chop an additional 2,000 words still, if I can. I want to do my read-aloud. There are still line edits to do.

But I am close. After spending years developing my professional writing skills, participating in critique group discussion, and watching my partners become agented and published, I have a much better grasp on what is "query ready" than I did before. And this novel is very nearly there. It just needs one last spit 'n shine.

I can't describe how exciting it is, knowing that after fourteen months of work, within a matter of a week or two this manuscript will be in a solid enough place for agents to read.

...I'm not going to lie, this is also rather terrifying. See, I've got a bit of a scarred psyche from my first querying experience, as many authors do. After a year of many nibbles, but no bites, I had to shelve my first beloved novel at the end of 2012.

This new story, though... something in it just tells me it is the one. My first novel was well written with great characters (so several professionals told me), but it was a rookie novel. It wasn't going to work on the current market. That's a mistake I've worked tirelessly to avoid this time around.

So I'm just about ready to take the plunge yet again. If anyone reading this blog knows of any agents looking for an upper middle grade sci-fi thriller with solid science and a smart female protagonist, please let me know! I've got a running list going, and would love to add more names.

I'll end this post with my main character's instrumental theme song. Yes, I know it's a My Little Pony fan-written piano piece, but it's gorgeous and it's perfect.

GOLDEN BOY

Tomorrow, Tara Sullivan's debut novel GOLDEN BOY hits stores.

I've been a fan of it ever since I joined Tara's writing group in 2010. Back then, GOLDEN BOY was just a partial first draft, and my first contribution to the project was messing with one of Tara's beautiful metaphors by pointing out that howler monkeys don't live in Africa. Sorry, Tara.

The project's obviously come a long way since then. In honor of Tara's exciting debut, I was going to do some science-y tie-in about one of the book's plot elements, such as albinism, poaching, or genetics. But as I sat down to start my blog post, I found I couldn't do it. It just felt too kitschy. And GOLDEN BOY deserved better.

Here's what readers of this blog really need to know about this debut novel:

GOLDEN BOY is a beautifully written tale of self worth and true bravery. GOLDEN BOY doesn't shy away from the horrors of its real-life inspiration (namely, albino-hunting in Tanzania), but never does it feel too gruesome to read (the violence is kept below the PG-13 level). GOLDEN BOY takes what could have been a lecture on human rights, and instead does what every human rights story should do--it makes its hero a person, instead of a symbol.

And that's really what GOLDEN BOY is all about. Finding the person beneath the stigma. Habo is a real person. At least he is to me, and he will be to you, if you give this book a chance.

I had the honor of getting to know Habo as he grew. It all started in Porter Square Books in September, 2010. From there, I spent months, then years, working with Tara and Habo alike, participating in and cheering on the development of this amazing book (which is already getting starred reviews). Tomorrow night, I'll be back in Porter Square Books, wearing my GOLDEN BOY t-shirt and celebrating with Tara at her launch party. It comes full circle, and I can't stop smiling about that.

If you're in the Boston area, the party starts at 7pm. If you can't make it, do yourself a favor and pick up a copy of GOLDEN BOY anyway. Trust me, you want to read this book.

I'm so excited for this debut, and so incredibly proud of Tara and her journey to publication. This is just the beginning for this impressively talented young author, and I look forward to many more Tara Sullivan launch parties down the road.

Congratulations, Tara. You've earned this!

When Fiction and Reality Collide: Astronaut Abby

For the past year, I've been working on a novel that stars a young girl training to be the first astronaut to go to Mars. Little did I know, this girl already existed.

I was thrilled to stumble across this website: http://astronautabby.com/, where 15 year-old Abigail Harrison is making her dream a reality. She's teamed up with Italian astronaut Luco Parmitano to educate the world about space exploration. She's going to be his Earth-bound correspondent while he's aboard the ISS this month. She's an advocate for STEM education and runs a website reminding us all how to dream big. She is, in a word, awesome.

And everyone should go support her mission right now: Astronaut Abby's Soyez Adventure. There's only 9 days left before the campaign runs out, so donate if you can!

Abby gives me hope that there are kids out there ready to tackle the big scientific challenges of our lifetime. I've spent a year writing this 13 year-old character who has similar aspirations, and to see her brought to life this way is just incredible. To top it off, I've learned that Abby decided to be an astronaut after reading science fiction books as a kid. If that's not inspiration for me to keep writing, I don't know what is.

Abby is a fantastic role model for people of all ages, anywhere and everywhere. I can't wait to see her achieve great things. You've got my vote for first astronaut on Mars, Abby. Make it happen!

Novel Update #3: The Pieces Are In Place!

My brain, deciding on which plot ideas to use in one single manuscript.

I've successfully finished Draft 2 of my Work In Progress! Draft 2 was a serious overhaul, concentrating on getting all the plot points in order and fleshed out, as well as adding in a brand new ending. In all, I chopped over 60 pages of material, wrote nearly 150 new pages of material, and as a result, actually have a legitimate draft of this novel completed.

But it's still got a long way to go.

I'll be handing it off to my critique group soon for a full read-through (they've only seen bits and pieces so far). Before then, I'd like to chop at least 25-30 pages out of this version through some tough-love editing. I also need to thread the finer points of the plot through in a more consistent way (now that I finally know what those points are) and have to fiddle with many technical details, as this is a sci-fi story.

Right now it sits at a whopping 88K words (!!!), which is enormous for a Middle Grade novel, even if this is technically "upper" MG. I'm hoping my critique group will have some helpful ideas for how to tighten the entire manuscript up, but I'm also coming to terms with the fact that this book is just bigger than any other story I've ever done. Both in terms of length, and in terms of depth/scope. If I can eventually get this under 70K, it will be a miracle. It might not happen, honestly. Should make querying this sucker interesting, to say the least.

I may have bitten off more than I can chew with this story. I just have to hope that my critique group will help me focus in on the relevant pieces of this tale, as they've done for me before. Connecting the story dots in this thing has been nightmarishly difficult, just because there are so many of them. I've never taken on a project this huge before, and I still don't know what others will think of it.

The one thing I do know is that I have fallen in love with my main cast and I finally have all the plot events in an order that feels real to me. Also, as I've begun to read-through this second draft, I find myself looking forward to certain scenes and getting caught-up so much in reading that I forget that I'm meant to be editing. These are good signs, right? I can hope, at least.

Onwards, to constructing Draft 2.5!